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Culling

by Revisionist

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1.
Looking backward, I hang my head. I left so much of me in the ruins of the life I built on sand and shit, I walk away from all that I once knew. Clarity is the product of a new self, forged in memories of the lives we leave when there's nothing else left to sift through. Now, it's with a hardened heart and cloudless eyes I speak the words I never thought I'd come to. I no longer choose to let this reign over everything. I am the bastard son of compassionless opportunity. I will spit in the face of a world that never wanted me. Forgiveness is a fabrication that exists to justify forgetting warning signs we miss when we refuse to trust our eyes. Let anger be the light that guides to never sink as low as those who have harmed you. And just remember life will seek to avenge you and bury them in graves they've dug themselves. They will remain inside the struggle they created at your expense, the best revenge is living well. Onward now to a new beginning, exorcise repeated failings, acknowledging that if I am unwelcomed and unwanted here, I refuse to spend another second desperately pleading for acceptance from those who seek to separate all that I love from me. Belonging is something that is of no concern to me. And though the isolation may be unwavering, the loneliness will strengthen me. If I am unwelcomed, If I am unwanted here, I refuse to spend another second trapped inside this cycle with you.
2.
Lifer 03:40
Interstate signs and highway lines are so much more than comfort, but no star filled skies or city lights can stop the feeling that I'm not where I'm supposed to be. I never thought I'd return to this place to be with thoughts of every failure. Because everything I've ever owned goes from trailer to stage for all the world to see, and these drives seem so much longer when I know I've got no place better to be. But I still can't shake the feeling that I'm still missing something. After all of the years I've spent chasing the high of the road, I still feel without a home. Four walls, on top of four wheels, leaving every yesterday hundreds of miles behind me. If home is where you lay your head then I'll never fucking sleep again, it's all the same if you ask me. Yesterday still too vivid to me, yesterday now means nothing to me. These days just don’t move onward when you can't make up your goddamned mind, and every second is eternity with the world, out a window, passing in front of me. I have seen the best and worst of humanity, and I owe it all to this sense of vagrancy. If I never find my place in this world, never am I forced to stay.
3.
Expectations of company kept have set the standards low, benefit of the doubt has exposed you for all the shit you do to everyone around you. It's not give and take, it's take and take some more until there's nothing left. Those with thirst great enough will drink from the well, even when they know it's poisoned. Despite the truth, they blindly believe to absolve you. Hindsight is a catalyst for introspection, indicting dissonances and deconstructing dogma. Divorce yourself from the idea you were helpless to prevent the things that nearly claimed you. Collect yourself, come face to face with the choices you've made. Accept responsibility for the things you could have done differently. Confront yourself, victim or not, own your recovery. There's no room for excuses, just steps for change. You are the only thing that's standing in your way. Nobody else is capable of curing you. You cannot help somebody who does not help themselves, but you are not in this alone. View your reflection. Is it an ideal portrayal? You do not belong here, you can no longer escape this. You do not belong here buried beneath this weakness. Thought crime for all the times that you have lied to yourself, and convinced yourself that you weren't strong enough, choosing the cowards route. Thought crime for every second you've spent on your knees begging for somebody to rid you of your disease.
4.
Keeper 03:27
This is our place where the broken come to collapse, to realign and start again. Looking ahead in search of safer harbors, a port in every storm, our shelter. In the middle of nowhere and nothing exists a place to rest my weary bones. Pacing riverside in the glow of the skyline lights, your flame ignites. Reminding me of the fires sparked, I come alive. It's not the place that bred me, but it's the place that shaped me. And though I leave a part of me in every city, I am whole amongst this family. We are our brother's and sister's keepers, bonded by struggles that we have endured, always in support of those that mean the most. This family in this place we have chosen is the strength to stand when worlds crash and we are giving up on ourselves. Here, I have found the closest thing that I have ever had to home.
5.
Transmission 01:00
6.
Only the good die young, or so the story goes. But we're still living on stolen moments that I never thought that we'd have known. Perception is rarely the same as the reflection staring back at me. I stand bold in the face of a world that rewards the selfish and self-serving monsters that live to leach off of the helpless. Negativity encompasses all that I can see, morality is no authority. But I've still got blood in my veins, there's light in my eyes, and even with lungs filled with smoke I'm not ready to die. I find no comfort in this, but I've made family of friends. We've so much to accomplish, we're far from the end. We are the few and far away, we must exist as champions in these our darkest days. No distance can negate our strength, the few and far away. I am only content in my discontentment, progress is the only constant.
7.
Recreant 03:57
What are a few scraped knees when you can keep your mindset right? Never lie to yourself, and face what's real, as long as you feed the machine. Full steam ahead, most think that they think for themselves, but we all know most think what they're fucking told. So, where do we go from here? Because I'm tired of all the smoke and mirrors. I'm going to scream my heart out and keep this on the path that we set. I see your eyes wide as you roll down the assembly line. You've got grease for blood, afraid of the seven seas, writing songs about things I've never known you to believe. But I'll close my eyes and dream of what this means to me. Nothing worth having comes easily. Writing about the love in my heart, about the lust in my brain, about the hate in my eyes, about the pride in my veins. I am patient, and I will face my demons. Looking inward is the first to fix ourselves. Arrogance of youth becomes a fallacious belief. Sleepwalking, you fool no one but yourself. I know you're better. Machines are men. Machines and men. Machines aren't men, machines are not men. You've got grease for blood, you forgot the facts. Purge yourself, and you'll never look back.
8.
Sage 04:10
Crashing tides of reckless abandon, we are the kings of this mountain of dust. I see the mindless, the selfish self-indulge and gorge upon the weak. One of the greats once told me, "Love is like a cancer." Question after question, the only answer is suffocating emptiness of a void long and deep. But right or wrong, I'll choose my place amongst wolves and before gods. Defiant and unmoving, the bones of demons and gods litter my mountain of dust. Bright lights, big dreams, you choose blue pill or red. I'll swallow both hand and all. For they see visions and dreams but choose your spun words of failing memories. Where demons are gods, but graces are the things of vices. I've seen devils, and I've known vices. They made me a king of this mountain of dust. Before all I stand tall and fear nothing. So I guess it's true, there's no rest for the wicked. He told me love was like a cancer. So I guess it's true, there's no rest for the wicked, maybe it's me that is the cancer. So I guess it's true, there's no rest for the wicked. But it wasn't me, I was never the cancer.
9.
Legacies 03:45
Clenching something, anything to bring a sense of balance. To stand tall, to prove you never failed to keep my mind right. She said, "My body is weak, but my will can overcome. Will can light a revolution." Never let them see the cracks in your resolve or a sign of weaknesses. Innocence of a lost boy, what is youth but a time to learn what it means to be a man? To fear nothing at all. So called family, now called enemies, blood bastardized by grief. Poured out, bled dry for what? To raise the dead or move mountains? Or just to run a life into the ground and put an end to every thought of a life fulfilled? Where is the joy? I am calling for it through the noise, longing to hear that voice just one more time. But if it never comes, I will always feel like that boy from nowhere trapped in time without a home. Pulling teeth in search of answers, but on my own there are none to be found. Rain down guidance and wisdom, I'm still searching for answers. I need some peace. Show me a glimpse of the brighter side of me, but if darkness is my season, please strengthen my bones to withstand the loss.
10.
Disassembling every fixture created by the life that I've lived. Vowing to find a view of former glory, reverse the engineering. I can see functional design in all of the spaces between. In this time and place, I have struggled to retain what's left of my dignity. I find myself always shifting between different shades of personality. Am I a man or machine? Mechanical and cold, emotionless, devoid of all humanity. At war with apathy, retracing every restoration in search of meaning. Or am I just pretending knowing I'll find nothing? But for my pessimism, hope is the driving force of the gears that turn inside me. I will not rest until I am whole again, I am timeless and with purpose. I will restart when my hands find their north. Every witness mark is an instruction to repair my broken pieces. I am rebuilt, I am restored, I am timeless and with purpose. I am more.
11.
Culling 05:11
Apropos of nothing, hidden behind lock and key there's a brighter side of me desperately trying to breath. The masks we wear are overwhelming all honesty. Integrity and self-respect are a dying scene. Weak wills and weaker knees are all that stand between us and excuses used to give up on our dreams that only die if we give up on ourselves. Unburden us so struggles faced may become nightmares erased, so we may live in this disastrous mess they've made. Unburden us so struggles faced may become triumph embraced, so we may live in this disastrous mess they've made. Unburden us so we can sever shackles from our feet and stop living on broken knees. We can separate ourselves from the anchors that weight us down. Whether inanimate or living, we are stronger without. Free from all negativity and constant doubt. Complacency has no place in me. These words are a declaration to resist with all that I have, I will defy them until my dying breath. They're neither with nor against me. Gone are the hands that stole from me. Gone are the feet that walked away. Gone are the tongues that spoke against me. Gone are the hearts that betrayed.
12.
Long Live 04:20
Despite all fear I remain entirely devoted to this, my paramount priority. In the mirror with death himself, fighting to win a war inside my mind. Facing mortality and the only enemy with the means to end me, the risk is worth the reward. If it's tonight that I die, it's not because I failed to try. I am resilience, because this means something more. But until my time comes, I will give my all. This is all I have, for all that I have left. No more excuses, let the past be. I've done enough giving in, never again. We can triumph through struggle while in search of strength to never relent when unclear signs show approaching a dead end. Take a glimpse inward, look at yourself. Focus on future all in preparation for the fight to believe that we are enough. I am making the choice between living and dying. We are enough, proving there is a difference in surviving and thriving. We are enough.

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released December 6, 2018

All music Written by Revisionist

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Revisionist Wichita, Kansas

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