Looking backward, I hang my head. I left so much of me in the ruins of the life I built on sand and shit, I walk away from all that I once knew. Clarity is the product of a new self, forged in memories of the lives we leave when there's nothing else left to sift through. Now, it's with a hardened heart and cloudless eyes I speak the words I never thought I'd come to. I no longer choose to let this reign over everything. I am the bastard son of compassionless opportunity. I will spit in the face of a world that never wanted me. Forgiveness is a fabrication that exists to justify forgetting warning signs we miss when we refuse to trust our eyes. Let anger be the light that guides to never sink as low as those who have harmed you. And just remember life will seek to avenge you and bury them in graves they've dug themselves. They will remain inside the struggle they created at your expense, the best revenge is living well. Onward now to a new beginning, exorcise repeated failings, acknowledging that if I am unwelcomed and unwanted here, I refuse to spend another second desperately pleading for acceptance from those who seek to separate all that I love from me. Belonging is something that is of no concern to me. And though the isolation may be unwavering, the loneliness will strengthen me. If I am unwelcomed, If I am unwanted here, I refuse to spend another second trapped inside this cycle with you.
released December 6, 2018
Joshua Barbee and Revisionist